SOCIALIZING

All forms of Socializing, whether formal or informal, were occasions that required a complex set of rules to "govern behaviour". Below is a list of instructions for giving a formal afternoon tea in 1904 --- and this just scratches the surface of expectations and norm for this period in history;

1/cards must be issued as invitations three weeks in advance.
2/men should wear a long frock coat with single or double-breasted waistcoat to match; grey trousers; white linen; light tie; silk hat; gray gloves; patent leather shoes.
3/awnings and carpet should be provided from curb to house.
4/ a footman must meet guests as they arrive at the curb to open their carriage doors, and another should open the front door --- "the moment a guest appears at the top step."
5/ guests should leave their cards in the tray in the hall before entering the drawing room. The butler then announces them as they enter. Those who cannot attend should send their cards by mail or messenger to the hostess, timed to arrive during the afternoon tea.

6/on entering, women precede the men.
7/the hostess should be just within the drawing room door to receive the guests; if she has daughters who have "come out" in society, they should receive the guests, then mingle with them "to help to make the function a success."
8/the hours are from 4 to 7pm. Guests should not come at the opening hour, nor stay until the last moment.

Even in casual or unplanned moments, even with friends and family, it was important to keep oneself under control. The British are famously described as having a "stiff upper lip", showing no inappropriate bursts of affection or anger. It was never seen = to pat some-one's shoulder, offer a hug, clink glasses, or even say "I love you", no matter how natural it would seem. Controlled politeness had to govern every word and expression.